Teardrops on my Guitar

She looks at me
I fake a smile so she won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet he's wonderful
That guy she talks about
And he's got everything
That I have to live without

She talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when she's with me

She says she's so in love
She's finally got it right
I wonder if she knows
She's all I think about at night

She's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
She's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

She walks by me
Can she tell that I can't breathe?
And there she goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

He better hold her tight
Give her all his love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know he's lucky 'cause

She's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
She's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put her picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz she's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
She's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

She's the time taken up but there's never enough
And she's all that I need to fall into
She looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see


Modified from Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my Guitar", so all credit goes to her. And no, I do not play the guitar.

Horrors of Insomnia

I used to have wild, inappropriate and ultimately disturbing fantasies about being alone in a post-apocalyptic world where I could run around grabbing stuff off mall shelves and sleeping in 5-star hotels. However, when you have to get up early the next day, and you're still lying awake after 3 hours in bed, you'd regret ever thinking so foolishly.

You'd wonder how nice it would be to have someone by your side to talk to. You'd feel you need a conversation, a bit of a chat to stop that ringing in your ears. You'd fight the temptation to wake all your friends with a false alarm ring. You'd struggle to keep yourself from calling any random person just to hear a human voice. A human voice. The soft, assuring, calming tones of a human voice. That's all you'd need.

Then you'd start to talk to yourself, alternating between scolding and re-assuring yourself. You'd switch the lights on and off, just to amuse yourself with the shiny, flickering glow. After that, you'd make repetitive trips to the toilet, convinced each time that you haven't rinsed your bladder dry enough, when in actuality, you just like the sound of the water flushing. The phone would look really tempting now. So would the sleeping pills. Finally you'd grab a sleep-inducing flu medicine pill and, convincing yourself that you wouldn't get addicted to it, slowly drop off to sleep.

As the years go by, insomnia has painfully taught me something. Humans are sociable creatures and we'd die of madness if left without any company.

Thank God for bus drivers

Thank God for bus drivers, those humble, unsung heroes of this world. In a strange foreign land, bus drivers (at least good, friendly ones) open their arms to you and make the entire place seem a lot less intimidating. Be it a tiring day, heavy rain, or a tough errand, bus drivers make the job so much easier.

That's amazingly true for those in Urbana-Champaign, who impressed me with their wonderful mannerisms and patience. Without them, life at the university would have been miserable. Again, thank you.

The "joys" of flying

I simply hate flying. It is tiring, frustrating, and time-wasting. Although I may have adored every moment of staring at the clouds through the cabin windows as a kid, the shocking reality of adult flying responsibilities have ignited within me a strong dislike for flying. I glower with impatience at having to comply with the discriminating check-in baggage limitations. I tire at having to wait long lines or having to battle inefficient computers just to check-in. I am sick of having to spend hours at the departure gates just waiting to enter an airplane. I am disgusted by inconsiderate passengers who push and fight their way to their seats. I am frustrated at how long international flights take and how taxing they are.

However, it is not these little peculiarities and regulations of flying that really overwhelm me. Ultimately, it's the sad goodbyes, the sinking feelings, the fighting emotions that make me detest flying at the heart of my soul. It's having to part with a life of blissful contentment, familiarity, and joy. It's having to convince yourself about the so-called “bright future” and “exciting times” arguments.

Yes, I know that by all reasoning and logic, it is the best road to take. But since when were humans logical beings? We were given feelings and emotions unquantifiable and unexplainable by science. Despite many centuries of knowledge accumulation, we still cannot convincingly persuade ourselves that emotions can be logically understood.

I've often said that my dream was to soar through the clouds, much like Peter Pan did in his marvelous adventures. Reality sucks, doesn't it?

Yes sir, we're back in business...

Yes, I've been neglecting this blog. Yes, I've been complacent. Due to being berated by a friend *cough* Sheldon *cough*, I've decided to start writing in this again.

What's up with my life? Unlike some studious friends, I've wasted it playing video games and watching geeky stuff, be it movies or TV shows. Star Trek and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen came and went; the former rocked, no pun intended, to the stars, while the latter was so-so. However, I'll be damned if I didn't agree with the fantastic special effects and AWESOME AWESOME robot designs. More on that in later posts, if there's time (and initiative).

Favorite for this year

Recently, we had to go to Putrajaya for a JPA pre-departure briefing. It felt odd at first meeting all my friends again after 2 months, but it gradually evolved to great fun. I'll repeat what I said before, I'll never forget you guys. It was really fantastic hanging out with everyone and that surely cannot be replaced by any amount of geekdom.

So, if there are any readers out there, expect to see more posts in the future! Gerard logging out.

Goodbye INTI

Just last Friday, I was officially "kicked out" of INTI University College, Malaysia. It was a unique experience to say the least...and yes, I really can't think of anything other than cliches to describe it.

However, in all seriousness, INTI was probably, as a whole, the best experience of my life. I learned so many new things, met so many people and experienced all the joys and pains of independence. Okay, boring cliched essay time!

I was very lucky to be part of the INTI culture as a JPA student. It taught me to grow as a person and to appreciate the diversity of this ever-changing world. INTI and her students taught me to think critically but not to be too judgmental of other people, to be bold yet not to be reckless, and to be open-minded yet spiritual. I met many challenges that changed me and helped me to develop, challenges that nearly drove me to death in all their difficulty.

INTI really gave me a lot to think about. While back in Kuching, I lived out my lifestyle without trial, in INTI, I faced a lot of conflicting ideas and opinions. Many perspectives challenged my faith and basic principles and I still remember the time when I started to challenge my Roman Catholic faith due to criticisms from even my closest friends. During that time, perhaps due to divine intervention, I joined the Catholic Student’s Society (CSS) and received the guidance from friends there.

Also, I also appreciated my many other INTI friends who I’ve come to appreciate very much. Listing all of those names would be foolhardy, as I would run the risk of skipping over many important friends (due in no small part to my atrocious memory for names). However, I'm sure that you all know who you are, and I can't say enough just how grateful I truly was to be with you guys. You taught me friendship, hope, joy, fun and how to live life to the fullest. To put it bluntly, you taught me there was more to life than games and the internet. I’ll say that overall, INTI was a splendid time as I learned to establish an identity for myself.

Yes, this post may sound like something out of a university application essay, but I really do mean all I say. I truly enjoyed myself at INTI. Now of course, there are many pros and cons about this dear little college-university-thing, which I shall list here:



Pros:
1) AUP or The Center for American Education and the University Placement Office are simply great places to be at. The officers there are immensely helpful and good-natured and I never hesitated to ask their help (to the point of being annoying). Kudos to these offices.

2) General Office people are surprisingly friendly, too. I got my room-bookings done easily.

3) 13th INTIMA were great pals to hang out with. I always felt at home at the INTIMA office.


Cons:
1) Accomodation Office, sad to say, can really be horrible. I'm not dissing all of them, just "a select few managers" (you know who I mean).

2) INTI management seriously needs to stop going beyond their capacity. Stop bringing so many students in when you can't afford to accept them. Treat INTI more like an educational institution and less like a capitalistic business.



So yeah, that's 3 pros vs 2 cons. Shows that INTI isn't bad, huh? I'd just advice future incoming students to think twice before handing Accomodation Office your business.

Thanks again, all my friends. The last 2 years were a blast!

I CRY HOLY

I see You sitting on Your throne, O Lord
You are high and lifted up
Above the highest worship
I can offer You
I bow myself before Your throne, O Lord
Lifting high our holy hands
For beside You, Lord in heaven
There is none other

I cry holy, I cry worthy
I cry holy to the Lamb
I cry holy, worthy
Holy is the Lamb
I cry holy, worthy
Holy is the Lamb

"One of the surest signs of true maturity...is reaching the state where you no longer care whether or not what you're doing in private is mature."

Click here.

This blog post is profoundly beautiful, and I very much agree with it. I myself have a few confessions to make: I enjoy kid games, I love fantasy, I can't stand horror, I practically adore Star Wars and I collect action figures. Some jocks out there are already probably wincing in pain.

And like GabuEx, I ask myself, why not? Why should "the fact that the person has existed on Earth for an arbitrary number of years" account for what his hobbies should or should not be? As people mature, they try to conform to societal standards, because that is precisely what is expected of them. Yet, are these standards really logical in the first place?

Think about it, why does growing up mean you have to watch something more violent, read something more trashy, play something more "intellectually mature"? In my opinion, it's not as if this world and the news we get from television isn't enough to shake us up to the depressing reality of life. To be blunt, this world sucks, life is harsh and cruel, and people die everyday. We see this everyday, so why should we confront it in our entertainment?

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Let me tell you why fantasy and Star Wars appeals to me. When I want to entertain myself, I want to escape from this world, or I'd have a sensory overload. I want to experience something totally distinct from our world, to play a knight or an adventurer seeking glory and excitement. These are things not found or obtainable in my real life, and I believe the best way to live it out is through fantasy.

Of course, don't assume that I cannot appreciate the "darker" things in entertainment. I still enjoy movies such as Pan's Labyrinth, Walk the Line and other serious shows. I'm just saying that there's nothing wrong in indulging in "childish" fantasy. In fact, the only thing childish in life is picking up certain hobbies to prove to others that you are above Pokemon and fairy tales.

Images are copyrighted by Lucasfilm Animation.

And with every step together,

Take my hand, take a breath
Pull me close and take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine,
And let the music be your guide.

Won't you promise me (now won't you promise me, that you'll never forget)
We'll keep dancing (to keep dancing) wherever we go next

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance...

Take my hand, I'll take the lead
And every turn will be safe with me
Don't be afraid, afraid to fall
You know I'll catch you through it all

And you can't keep us apart (even a thousand miles, can't keep us apart)
'Cause my heart is (cause my heart is) wherever you are

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance...

Oh no mountains too high enough, oceans too wide
'Cause together or not, our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be...

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you (like you)
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do (way we do)
And with every step together, we just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)
Can I have this dance

Can I have this dance
Can I have this dance...


"Can I have this Dance", by Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3

"Music can name the unnameable and communicate the uncommunicable."

Ok, ignore the previous post about not posting for a long time. I have just found something that really touched me. If you have the time, it's really worth it to check this: The Composer.

A beautiful Flash, just simply beautiful. I have seen many good Flash movies before, but this one just suddenly tugged my emotional strings. Wonderful movie, and top scores to the creator.

To watch, click the link and click "Watch this Movie!" at the website. Enjoy!

Well I may be dreamin'...

What if I told you it was all meant to be
Would you believe me
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
We've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come here now

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can't explain
Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this

Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Ohh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

"A Moment Like This", by Kelly Clarkson.

Do you?

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

"Crush", by David Archuleta